Many of us could avoid foster care if the right help were provided to our parents. The system is a scary place for children. Even if your family is chaotic, neglectful or abusive, being taken away from everything you've known is terrifying. Imagine having to go live with strangers, often a series of strangers, and there's nothing you can do. Most foster parents are good people, but there aren't enough of them. Most foster parents aren't like the ones you see on TV news in unfortunate ways. I was in a couple bad foster homes. Let me tell you it is the reason I dont trust many people. Foster kids are good kids in a bad situation. Foster kids are just kids. Some develop emotional and behavioral problems and challenging behaviors. Most have tough outer shells to protect themselves from more hurt and rejection. This does not mean you shouldn’t foster or adopt older children in fact this should be why you should! As a older child in foster care I was told many times no one would want me because of the hard times I went through. Because I had to have therapy I was labeled as a “troubled” child.
But I was definitely being watched over and placed in my permanent home when I was 7. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to be adopted. I was so afraid they would just leave me and that has still to this day not gone away and I’m in my twenties. I did find my birth family and birth mom. I have a good relationship with them. I am hurt about the things that went on but have forgiven. Unfortunately, my birth mother passed away when I was 8 years old. As far as my birth father he was very abusive to my mother. She had to be put into witness protection when she had me (at 15). I did find him (when I was 23) as well a year before he passed away. He had changed towards good.